The Great Indian Double Standards

                                            

"Double Standard". What kind of emotions do these words evoke? Are they positive or negative ones? Am sure everyone will have a common answer to this question - negative, of course! Why do I even need to ask that.....pretty obvious isn't it? We often use these words in varied circumstances that we are faced in life, but mostly to point out the "double standards" in others. Well today's rant is not going to go down well with those who only use these terms in the event where the subject is someone else. Reason being that, today I sit down to point out the great Indian Double Standards, something that each one of us, in ways big or small, exhibit. So, if you are one who likes looking at the mirror to only see the great Godly image of yourself, I would suggest you to stop reading this piece right here. Because what follows is the ugly reflection of the inner self of each one of us.

So here goes the list of Indian Double Standards –

·         The boy's family insults, humiliates and disrespects the girl because she isn't their choice. Boy justifies it, saying, they are not bad people, they just love me a lot and so they want to stop me from getting hurt. They still don't know you, so they react in this manner but that is only because they care. Ok, accepted.
The boy and girl have a heated argument and a friend of the girl gives the boy some harsh words. The girl says that her friend cares for her and whatever he said was because he was worried about her. He still doesn't know you well, hence his reaction, but he is not a bad person. The boy's argument, how dare someone disrespects me and you take his side. Double Standards, yes or no?

·         Girl gets married at 25 and is now 8 years into the marriage, aged - 33. Yet another girl, completes her engineering, works for a few years, then does a post-graduation, works and goes around the world living a grand life till 33. Society refers to the two women in any discussion -
First woman - That old woman, she's been married for eight years, already in her mid-thirties, still doesn't have a kid, must be some problem with her.
Second woman - That gorgeous young lady, she is such a successful professional, has gone all around the world, very impressive.

·         Girl/Boy (X) married off early in life (around 25 - 26), now 5 years into the marriage. Yet another boy/girl (Y) of the same age, single and leading a carefree life. Neighbourhood acquaintance introducing her 3 year old kid to X - Baby, say hello to X Uncle / Aunty. The same lady introducing the kid to Y - Baby, say hello to Y Bhaiya / Didi. Years of marriage defines your level of seniority in the social circle, not your actual age.

·          XY (chromosome) at 26, XX (chromosome) at 25, get married. The marriage does not work as expected and inspite of efforts from both the sides, 6 years after the marriage they call it quits, thankfully without the complication of a kid being involved. Now the question of getting married again. Society's, including the family's view on it -
For the Boy - Its fine, koyi baat nahi. Abhi iski umar hi kya hai, achhi kunwari ladkiyo ki to line lag jayegi iske liye.
For the Girl - Oh God, pata nahi kya karke ayi hai. Family wonders, how are we going to face the society! People advise the family, find a divorcee or a widower and get her married quickly, the only way to save your face.

·         A divorced man looking for a second chance at marriage. First preference to single girls if possible, if none are found, then go to the category of divorced women but preferably without children.
A divorced woman looking for an alliance. How can she even think of getting hitched to a single man? Come on, she is used, a second hand item, God knows what she has done that led to the end of her first marriage! Divorced men or widowers are the best shot for her. She doesn't deserve more.

·         A married woman who has been working ever since her graduation decides to take a break in her career after 6-7 years. Public notion about it - she's taking a break, enjoying her family life, that's fine.
A married man is severely suffocated with the daily commotion, of life at work and managing family, and is desperate to take a break to rejuvenate himself. He takes it while his wife continues to work. Public notion - Look at that shameless man sitting at home doing nothing. The poor wife is carrying the responsibility of the family on her shoulder. 

·         Neighbour's daughter had to get an abortion because she was duped by a cheat and an unmarried pregnant girl would have destroyed the family's reputation. The ladies in the society discuss the girl - She was always a little unruly. Staying out late, partying, lot of friends including boys, this was bound to happen. Someone quips in about the daughter of one of the ladies at the gossip table - Adi (her son) was telling me he saw your daughter the other day at a pub with a bunch of her friends. The lady retorts back harshly - Impossible, my children are not like this. They are very well disciplined and are not involved in any such activities which could bring the family's name to shame unlike this girl.       

      Little did she know that the same daughter she has been boasting about, has had two abortions during her days at the hostel with financial help from friends, and a distant relative who she thought she could confide in.

·         Girl married to boy. A few years down the line differences crop up between the two, some due to their own incompatibilities and some due to over indulgence of the boy's family in every matter. When it gets worse, the families step in. Unpleasant exchange of dialogues and several rounds of arguments later, they call it quits. Mother-in-law is quick to pass a judgment on the girl; she didn’t have the patience to nurture a family. She destroyed my son's life.
A year later, the boy's sister gets married. Two years into the marriage, the sister walks back to her parent’s house with bag and baggage claiming she can't live there any longer. Mother is quick to console the daughter - Now what did that mumma's boy do? This boy has made my daughter's life hell; he ruined this marriage by allowing his family to control their relationship.

·         Young happy couple married for a year. The XY (chromosome) gets a long term opportunity abroad which requires them to shift base. Wouldn't have been a problem, if not for the only condition that the XX (chromosome) had laid down before marriage, that she won't ever quit her job. XY asks XX the question that is the benchmark for all emotional coercion - Doesn't your happiness lie in my happiness? Result - XX leaves her lifeline, her job and trots alongside XY in his quest for happiness.  A few years down the line, they are back home and both doing well in their own jobs. One fine day, XX gets an opportunity to join her dream company but that requires operating out of a different city. XX asks XY - Can you take a transfer to that city or if not, can you leave this job and find another one there? XY's reply - Have you gone nuts? I have worked so hard to get here and the prospects for me here are brilliant. You want me to throw away all of that? You must be crazy!!!
XX with tears welling up in her eyes, thinks to herself.......my happiness lay in yours, but doesn't your happiness lie in mine?

I could go on and on as there are a number of such scenarios that are running through my mind. We are quick to judge, quick to assume, quick to accuse, quick to take someone or something for granted and quick to defame and disrespect. But we rarely ask a simple question to ourselves before we do so. The question being - Can I claim with absolute surety that I am never going to be on the other side, the side that I so confidently choose to judge, accuse or disrespect today? And if I see myself there, would I have thought the same way as I think today?